Autobiography Stuffs:
Section 1:
I think that sometimes I may be sarcastic with people because I am intimidated by them. I think that I am often impatient with people who are dumber than me because I feel like I have to explain things a lot. Most of the time I “comment” on people, it is because I need to vent this frustration. This sometimes comes back at me though. I’ll forget the homework or something, but it doesn’t take a genius to write it down.
Section 2:
The district of La Jolla is well known in San Diego. TO the rest of the country, it is San Diego. While many people travel there to go to the beach, few live in the mansions that make up the residential area of La Jolla. Retired money-makers spend their time working on their tan, or throwing dinner parties. Bitter humor will often appear when in the presence of those they deem “less equal” than themselves. Living on the outskirts of La Jolla, some of the feelings of superiority may have rubbed off on me. One of the humbling remedies to this problem is to look at the real San Diego, the San Diego outside the ritzy restaurants and lavish homes of La Jolla. Turn to the south side, or the east side, and one will encounter a much different scenario.
Section 3:
I was born September 7, 1990, the older of two children. My brother and I have a rather hostile relationship. We fight during the school week because stress is higher. We usually fight from the moment we wake. We fight about who got up first, who took a longer shower, who spent more time in the bathroom, who ate more breakfast, who was ready first, who gets the front seat, who gets to choose the radio station, and finally, who made us late to school. This may be because we were taught to fight for what we want, and to be competitive. I was raised on the principles of “work hard, play hard.” As a child, this seemed rather unfair, since it seemed most people would be working the rest of their life. I learned to carefully manage my time so I could play more, and have just enough time to pull off an A. The trend continued, effectively making an A- student with fairly good time management skills.
Section 4:
My childhood was rather ordinary. Growing up in San Diego I never really experienced winter. Everyday was an opportunity to go out and play. The most popular games were kickball, wall-ball, foursquare, and tag. Wall-ball was one of the oddest. The rules that one was allowed to make up were ridiculous, and their names were even weirder:“No Baby Bouncies, watermelons, tangerines, or silver bullets.”“I want sliders, doubles, and do-overs.”
Section 5:
As a child, I had a lot of respect for my father. I marveled at the way he seemed to know everything. If there was an animal he knew what it was, if there was a problem he knew how to fix it, and if there was question, he knew how to answer it. I thought that he was faultless. As I grew up I found that he was indeed human, but respectable nonetheless. I learned that he did not know everything, that he had his faults, and that he too made mistakes. Now I am respecting him for things that I didn’t see before, like his political views, and his cultured being.
Monday, March 5, 2007
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1 comment:
Part 1
HOC: Very honestly written, wes. I think this could be expanded a little bit to encompass more of what it is that makes you do this and what it does to you and others.
LOC: You may want to take a quicke once-over on your vocab in this part and try to use a little more sentence cohesion. Some of the sentences seem a little jumpy from place to place. See if you can make them flow a little more.
Part 2
HOC: I really liked this one. It was very well done and the imagery is well utilized to depict the snooty La Jollans. I also like how you transfered to yourself from that. You could maybe me even more detailed in describing La Jolla (geography/landmarks?) and generally expand on it.
LOC: I noticed a few LOCs in the first few sentences but none that I saw later on. Check those few sentences and correct what you see. You might want to try using italics or, if you can manage to encorporate them properly, parentheses to make emphasis and perhaps even accurately communicate that feeling of sarcasm into your writing.
Part 3
HOC: Another good paragraph. You should consider including examples of your "work hard, play hard" ideals and maybe even explain how it came to be.
LOC: Nothing more than the same sentence flow that should be looked at in the other parts. Also, the continuous "who did what more" seemed a little monotonous. See if you can make that sentence a little more interesting by variating your wording.
Part 4
LOC:This one could definately use some expansion. You have a great start so far but keep going. Now that you've described some of the game, explain more of it. Show an example of something that happened when you played it. Try and make it relate to you.
LOC: Near the end, you might want to get rid of the quotes around the rule names so that the quote after it doesn't look so awkward. Again, make sure to slap some more flow between the sentences.
Part 5
HOC: You should consider giving some instances of things your father did and/or didn't know when you were younger and of other things you noticed about him now. Did he influence you somehow?
LOC: I see no problems in this one other than sentence flow needed in all your paragraphs. That seems to be the primary thing you need to work on in your writing. Everything else is just simple mistakes. Pretty good overall.
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