Friday, March 23, 2007
Trenten R. - Short Story
He lived a life of solitude. Everyday was remotely similar. At a 8:55 he would open a soda, a diet rootbeer to be exact. His new white shirt exclaimed how he was felt to the world. His hair combed and his pants ripped were his style. After school he would play a single game of bloody knuckles and drive home just missing the traffic. His car didnt say much about him, except for his passion for the road. But soon everything would change, the ride home was different, everything was different about that day, his hair, his clothes, his soda. It's as if he had seen the future. As he looked back to see the oncoming traffic, he caught a glimpse of what was in the back seat. It was Albert Pujols. It was his idol, but he was dead. Lying across the back seat holding the empty soda cans in the back. He then realized that he had killed him, knowing this he cut his own life short.
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1 comment:
I really like this story. It has a very interesting style of humor that I don't really seen anywhere else. My only suggestions are that you make the story longer, segment it into paragraphs, and rework the ending. I don't think you should have a different ending but just rewrite it so it makes a little more sense and flows with the rest of the story. It might be a good idea to work into the ending a little softer. It's very abrupt and suprizing. I can understand that you might want that effect but it really throws off the reader. Other than that, good job.
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