One summer, my family an I traveled with another family to the Philippines. On our way to the Philippines we had a six-hour lay over in Korea. I couldn't hear very well getting off the plane because of the altitude of our flight, and I was trying desperately to "pop my ears." The daughter from the other family, who happened to be my best friend, suggested that I plug my nose and blow.
I ended up blowing so hard that I popped a vein I think and started bleeding. Panicked, I darted towards the bathroom. A Korean lady was standing right outside the doorway of a bathroom so I darted in right past her, probably almost knocking her over but suprising her for sure.
When I was in the bathroom, I turned to my right and saw a long row of urinals. I then thought to myself Why does Korea have urinals in the ladies' room? Seeing no paper towels, I turned to my left. Instead of paper towels, I found a Korean man zipping up his pants (he was probably the husband of the lady standing right outside). At this point, I was panicking like crazy. When I saw the Korean man I yell "OH CRAP! WRONG BATHROOM!" and dart outside into the bathroom next door.
To my relief I saw a bunch of Korean ladies exiting and entering stalls or washing their hands. I then grab a paper towel and plug my nose waiting for it to stop bleeding. Within a few minutes, my best friend comes stumbling in laughing like crazy. I too begin laughing. The rest of the crowd, however, were not pleased.
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2 comments:
good structure; you used dialogues...
it started out with your ears - what happened to them?
use a hook in the beginning like "Have you ever gotten your ears clogged because of a flight?"
an > "and"
Towards the end of your story you started using present tense instead of past tense then went back to past tense. You should probably stick with past tense because you start out with it. “When I saw the Korean man I yelled "OH CRAP! WRONG BATHROOM!" and darted outside into the bathroom next door.” At the beginning of the story you should have some sort of hook to get the reader interested in the story. You should also explain why your family wanted to go to the Philippines and also why they wanted to go on the trip with the other family. What is your family relation to the other family? You should explain that along with an introduction of yourself at the time the story took place and the other family’s daughter.
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