1.
I’m not a person who believes in conflict, but I am a person who believes in change. But can you have one without the other. Was I the one who needed to change? Where I’m from there is no change, and we have all just grew accustom to this. We can’t live like this, change is needed, but it seems as if were lost.
2.
It’s like we were programmed at a young age to act and feel a certain way. Were waiting for the world to change, were expecting the best and not preparing for the worst. We hide are emotions to resemble the perfect citizen, but what are we waiting for. Change is needed but only recommended, this must change. If we wait forever how will we look back at life as an adventure or as a job?
3.
I was born May 24, 1990, the last of two children. As for how I was raised, there’s much to be said, my mother was always the giver, she stayed home and watched the house as my dad usually came home late after a long day of working. But when my dad was home there was little he could do, his hips and back were both injured from
But life was good, I couldn’t complain. Everyday was a new experience and a new adventure, but I always felt as if I was missing something. But I seemed to have it all, but did I, good grades, a supporting family, and a fun day to day life. What was I missing I didn’t understand. Maybe it was an influence outside of my immediate family. I used my grandpa, a retired cop who had all of his values in order. He was always there for me, taught me, and never forgot about me. But who knew the worst days of my life were soon to come. When I received the call I was crushed, how was I to respond to a death at such a young age. But my grandpa always told me never to lose hope, which is what I did. I just had to search harder for influence in other places.
4.
The man I know of now, is the bravest man I know. He was constantly in pain due to
5.
As a child most of my time was spent playing a game or playing a sport. But whenever I could play tetherball I did. It was the sport of the playground, and I was the best. I was the king of the playground. I would never lose my pride until the dreadful day where I lost to the new kid. His name was Joshua and I remember it like it was yesterday. Where he hit just out of my reach, I had lost what I was to do.
1. Hoc- I really like the idea of questioning yourself, however, the whole idea of change was really confusing. The reason why it was confusing was because I didn't know what you were referring to. Did you mean your personality needs change or your whole life in general and why does it did change?
ReplyDeleteLoc- The only lower order concern for this paragraph would be to maybee just go more in depth and make it longer.
2. Hoc- I now understand what change you were referring to and I think that's really good. But during this paragraph your suppose to talk about a place that you are always thinking about this. So maybe you should add a description of a place during this part.
Loc - For this paragraph you should work on sentence flow because I had to read over it alot of times to finally get what you were saying. Don't sugar coat your ideas just say them.
3. Hoc- So far this is my favorite paragraph you really did a good job. I have like an exact idea of what your family is like. Good job! :)
Loc- This was a good flowing parapgraph the only thing that I would add is maybe stronger adjectives to describe the personality of your family.
4. Hoc- I liked how you kinda choose a person who had some type of historical value. but maybe just to make your paragraph longer you add some more things that you use to do with him and what he would tell you about the war, and then now how he is just like everyone else even though what he's been through is really extreme.
Loc- I think there was so little words missing in this paragraph.
5. Hoc - I love the game too! Just add some more interaction with the game.
Loc - It was too short to really find anything wrong with it. haha.