Once upon a time, there was a boy that lived near the ocean that was guarded by a large cliff. At these cliffs, you could climb down to the water and surf the waves that broke on the rocky shore. The boy saw surfing as a sport that looked fun and bad ass all at the same time. The boy's Dad grew up at these cliffs and surfed as much as he could there, so he decided to teach his son how to surf at the cliffs. The father took the boy down to his favorite spot along the cliffs called No Surf. They both climbed down the sandy cliff with their boards to the beach, and then paddled out towards the waves. It was later in the evening and the sun was setting. That day was very calm, with light winds and small waves. The boy and his Father made it out in the line up and waited for the perfect wave. When it came, the boy turned around and paddled as hard as he could. When he caught the wave, the boy stood up and rode that sucka all the way in. The boy was totally stoked and was dancing around on the beach. The boys dad and other surfers in the line up cheered for the boy, and the boy was very happy. The boys Father paddled in and congratulated the boy on his first wave. Surfing was now a part of the boy's life, and it will always be, for surfing is like a strong drug. Once you try it and figure it out, you cant stop.
Hang Loose.
the end
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2 comments:
I like your story. It is entertaining and easy to read. I think you need dialogue to make it more interesting. You need to read over your story for LOC's. (I found a few). It is a good start to a strong story. Also I think you should describe what it was like your first time surfing? Describe it as if you were writing to someone who has never surfed before. Overall good start!
There is a couple of grammar mistakes throughout the story. For example: "That day was very calm" should be, "The day..." Some of the word choice was odd like "sucka" and "bad ass". Good storyline though. Maybe you can make it longer. What did it feel like to ride the wave, etc.
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