Shayna

Section 1
I hate when all the attention is on me. I really hate POLs and presentations, especially when they are by myself. It adds more pressure when its for school and being graded. I really hate when I am asked a question in the middle of class. Even if I know the answer, I cannot say it because I blank and get nervous and stuff.
Then, after that happens, it seems to ruin my day because I am so sensitive. I seem to cry or want to cry over everything that remotely hurts me or my family. I tend to hold on to things for way too long. I still remember instances in fourth, seventh, ninth, every grade actually, where I was incredibly emabarrased over ridiculous things. Then, because I care what people think, I think to myself that they still remember and laugh at me, even though I am pretty sure they do not remember it.
When I get embarassed, my face turns bright red. Then, when I feel my face get hot, I get even more embarassed. I tend to blow things out of proportion. Things that I think are incredibly embarassing usually are not to others. But, I can't get my mind to cope with that so it just gets worse and I can't help it.
Also, I sometimes secretely want to get called on to share my writing or opinions but it would be like I was volunteering. I don't know if this makes sense but being called on for my personal writing instead of volunteering makes me feel like people won't think I think I am better than them. Because it was like I never wanted to share in the first place.
Section 2
San Diego is the perfect city. Its not New York with all the smog and the hustle and bustle, and its not amish Pennsylvania with nothing but horse drawn wagons. There is always a place to go no matter what mood you are in. There is always an empty beach or park if you want aloneness and there is always a concert or sporting event if you want noise and people.
Home is my sanctuary. A place to regroup. A favorite. No judgement, no critics, no one to impress. Family will love you no matter what.
Section 3
I was born on October 20, 1989, the first of two children.
If one were to observe my family, they would instantly see the love we all have for each other. Although we do not have all the possessions in the world, we have each other. We are each other's best friends.
Everything that has happened in my life has made me stronger, even if it hurt at the time. I was always taught to look on the bright side and be thankful for what we do have. My mother always tells me she is so proud of me and she wonders where I beame so mature and courteous. What she doesn't realize is that all the lesson learned came from her and my dad. One thing that was always taught was to do things for yourself. We are always being told that there are cruel people in the world and there is nothing we can do about it. So we deal with them, move on and go home to our family.
There have been many times when we have goals and want things to happen. However, if we want something, we have to make it happen whetherthat be school, work, family or standing up to the cruel. We have to be able to do it alone. We will always have family to help if we need it but the most important thing is to be able to take care of ourselves. Things are not going to just come to us by themselves. If our parents gave us everything we wanted, what are we going to be grateful for and what will we learn from it?
Section 4
In my neighborhood where we used to live, kids played games. Thats what they did. It was a gated community so our parents knew we were safe. So, we went out and played. You walk outside and see your neighbors who were also your best friends, playing games. Flashlight tags during Fourth of July campout, Simon Says and Red light Green Light or Duck Duck Goose on Saturday. No matter where we were, we always played games. We played with Light Brite, Operation and Barbie Dolls. Anything.
My favorite activity in my memory though is Marco Polo. Actually, it was really just being at that pool. There are so many memories there; Learning to swim with my swim teacher Nelson. Watching my mom do her laps or me and my friennds laying out on that warm sunny concrete. That pool was one of my favorite things about that neighborhood even though us kids could never get it. "Crouch down and I'll crawl on top of you." "Okay. You can reach over and get the latch."
That's how we got in. We always had to jump the fence or have our friends lift us or something. It was alwas worth getting hurt to get into that pool though.
Swimming has always been a part of my life, the many times we moved, we needed a pool.
Section 5
My mother always tells me stories about her father that are hard for me to believe.
When I was little, I remember it taking me minutes to inch close enough to give him a kiss on the cheek. He was big and scary and had a deep voice that gave me goosebumps.
He always told us about the war. He has a whole room dedicated to it. He's kinds of like a redneck with modern technology, like much my family.
My grandfather, whom I call Pop because he used to make a popping noise with his finger and his mouth, had a room full of guns and deerheads. That room was cold and scary, just like I thought he was. He is a hardcore Republican, a spoiled man, thought children "should be seen and not heard", but I love him.
Today there is nothing holding me back from giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I got taller, he got shorter and less scary. I cook for him and he loves it. He has a warm heart now and looks so cute with his dad's old leather visor in his big comfy chair. He is the only grandfather I have and I now cherish him and love spending time with him. I can see how he was once a spoile man, but now I just consider him well taken care of. He has people who love him and he has done so much for us, he deserves to be spoiled.